Sometimes a girl needs to feel wanted, needed, and even loved; without strings attached. Crazy I know, what kind of woman could want a man to want her without wanting him back, but it happens. At least for me it does...being hurt and longing for someone who doesn't want you can lead you down a road of destruction, sex, and freedom. My latest journey to free attachment started in February, that's right the month dedicated to love.
I met BS at a club through Clark's sister (the crazy life I lead), he was cute and had a bad boy thing about him that reminded me of a Philly man (I was born and raised in Philly). We danced, talked, and exchanged numbers, he even had the nerve to ask for a ride home. Having no help from Clark's sister to get out of it, I took him. Now I can't lie for the first few days he had me fooled, i thought he was the man he portrayed himself to be until the day of our 3 hour phone conversation. You see, I'm naive when it comes to how guys think and work, but I am wonderful at spotting bull shit and that is what BS was giving me (now does the alias make sense?). In our convo he was saying things that made me go whaaaa, but I let it slide thinking I was to quick to judge and that bs is a part of the dating game. So a date was made...
Being that I hadn't dated anyone for quite some time I was nervous and a little turned off by the fact that I had to drive. Anyway, we went out to dinner and it was lovely. My nerves went out the window and I felt comfortable with him. It could have been due to my secret of knowing his game. After dinner we went back to his place (which is with his mom, but I couldn't talk because at the time I was living with Clark's mom which I'll explain in a Clark post), I know I broke the cardinal rule, but what can I say, I LIVE ON ThE WILDSIDe lol. Of course me and all my beauty was to much for him and he tried to get a piece of what I like to call lady stuff. Being the lady that I am I said no not on the first date, at least wait until the second (which he did) and we just made like fish and kissed. That was the last day I was able to keep my blinders on to the bull.
Date 2 came and being the independent woman I am, I planned it out and insisted on paying, which looking back I shouldn't have since he became the king of dutch. Off to PF Chang's we went and again back to his place after a little stop to a paradise known as Wine and Spirits. Now my intentions were to go to a movie, but of course the man in him found a way around that and I must be honest I may have been a little hot under the collar so I obliged.
Now before reaching his home, our destination, we discussed his plans to go to the strip club with his friends due to a miscommunication in my availability, but he said it was cool and that he wasn't going to go cause he wanted to spend time with me. Make sure to remember this because I am setting the scene for a moment of complete and utter BULL SHIT...I told him it was fine and to go with his friends because it was for his friend's birthday, but he insisted, he said neither him nor the birthday boy really wanted to go. He even went as far as to tell one of his friends that he wasn't going, I believe the friend he told was the birthday boy himself!!! Now we are at his place watching a movie, I had a few sips of tequila (always a fun night when tequila is involved), and we were getting it on. We get finished, cuddle for a while, then his phone rings....on the other end is his friend who is asking about picking him up for the strip club, the same place he told me and the bd boy he wasn't going. Well, he tells this friend that he should be ready in an hour and that they were going to have a ball, again keep in mind he told me and his other the friend he wasn't going. So what do I do, I say "I thought you weren't going" to which he replies "Yeah, but it's my man's birthday so I'm just going to go" to which I reply "you said you and him didn't really want to go, but you guys have fun"
So already you can see the useless bull and lies which only get worst and after that day I stop speaking on them. From that day forward I decided the type of person he was and made a plan to use him for my need of an unattached relationship. Already overcome by my emotions for another I needed and yearned for something that had no emotions. If I couldn't make him my boyfriend, I would make him my sex friend. And luckily for me BS was to full of BS to pursue a relationship with, unluckily for me a part of his BS was to push a friendship.
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