After reading comments from
readers and re-reading my posts, I've realized that I may have confused some of
you about my feelings. See I love Clark, not by choice because if I had a choice
he would not exist to me. You see, Clark is an asshole is all meanings of the
word. As you will read in my post, he is disrespectful, controlling, and
confusing. Yes, I do compare every guy I'm with to him, but not because he was a
good boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, he has his good qualities, but it was how he
made me feel. Clark never made me feel pretty, but he made me feel safe. He was
funny, caring, and honest (or so I thought). I accepted Clark for all his flaws
and never tried to change him because I only wanted to love and understand
him.
Clark never loved me, but he
pretended to and didn't do a good job of it. He made it clear to me that I was
not on the same level as his ex and after we broke up and he continued to bring
me in his life he made it clear that he didn't want me. That was the problem.
Clark wouldn't let me go. As you will read he moved me in with him and his mom,
when I would stop talking to him he would call me after months and bring me back
in his life. So yes I love him, but in no way do I chase after him, contact him,
or want to be with him. Clark needs to change and admit his wrong, which he will
never do.
I have no ill feelings towards
Clark, but please don't think for one second that I am holding my breath and not
moving on in hopes that we will be together. I love him but unless he changes (
which he never will) I don't want him. I just want to know why out of all the
ppl in his life he treats me like I'm nothing when I was the only to be there no
matter what he did or how he was. I put up with his bull for years after we
broke up and I don't get how I can walk into a room and he can't even look at me
or say hello after not seeing each other in over a year.
In my post when it says I can't wait to met again or I still desire, I'm saying the old him and/or I'm hoping to find the qualities in someone else, but not him exactly. Sorry for the confusion
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