Sometimes BS is Good

So BS and I had our first time and it was nice, but it was the start of a change between us. We didn’t text as frequently and we never talked on the phone again. It was as if the first sexual encounter turned into a weekend fling where every weekend we would be together and once the weekend past we no longer existed in each other’s lives. At first I felt weird about this new arrangement, but I learned to accept and believed it was for the best. I didn’t want a relationship with him, but I wanted something with intimacy and no attachment. In the end this arrangement was perfect for now, but it wasn’t satisfying my need.

I can’t lie, I liked spending time with BS and I still do, but I realized I was fooling myself. I’m not meant to be in unattached relationships and after a while being sex buddies bothers me. I also hate boosting a man’s ego who doesn’t deserve it and that’s what was starting to happen.

What was happening with BS was confusing me. I’m a labels person, I need them to know my place and play my role. BS knew this and refused to label whatever was going on. I tried to call us F**k buddies, but he denied it and said we were more than that. I tried to call us friends with benefits and he told me to stop labeling things and let whatever it was just be and happen. Good advice, but difficult for me.

Even though I was confused I believed and still do believe that BS was good for me. He was causing me to change in a way that I needed to. It was time for me to stop labeling and worrying about what was happening. I need to learn how to let things happen and happen slowly. Every relationship I’ve been in has happened fast. I’ve never taken things slow and it’s time I learn how. So even though BS was bs and is bs, he was needed. For me BS is a transition and as you’ll learn in another post, BS and I are transitioning into a new relationship called Friends with no benefits….to be continued