Months after Clark and I ended, I met a boy (which is what he was at 18) who unexpectedly got to me. I believe it was September when a friend and I went to a speed date on campus where I met this cocky 18 year old who I thought was the cutest thing on campus. We will call him Kakarot!!!! I wonder if he remembers this nickname.
Kakarot and I had a whirlwind fling that was not suppose to happen. I started talking to Kakarot as a way to push myself to get over Clark so of course I didn't want a relationship, I wanted intimacy with no attachment ( in other words just sex). Now I must be honest for an 18 year old he knew what he was doing and did it well!!! It had gotten to the point that we were together everyday and I was basically spending every night in his room, which was sad cause I had an apartment and he stayed in a dorm. Eventually one night he confessed to me that he was catching feelings and being that I didn't want a relationship I told him to "lose your feelings or we stop fucking" so lose his feelings (or ignore them) is what he did.
After awhile we started spending time in my apartment to point where he was there literally all day. He stopped going to class no matter how many times I tried to talk him into going. I would go to class and come back to him still at my place. He started cooking me meals and we even had a game night every night. We were like a married couple except we weren't in a relationship. He was free to talk to other girls and I to other guys.
At some point I caught feelings for Kakarot and I really cared about his well being. I was driving him back and forth to Philly for court at 3 am in the morning, I was really pushing him to try and do better in school, and I spent all my time with him in hopes that being with me meant he wasn't getting in trouble with his friends.
What was suppose to be an unattached sexual relationship turned into a fling/relationship for 6 or 7 months. During this time we had our drama like us attempting to be boyfriend/girlfriend just to break up the day before Valentines Day and him sleeping with someone else. See our problem was that he was young and looking to be with a bunch of different chicks, whereas I was older and into steady relationships and also still wanting/messing around with Clark.. After a while our routine became boring for him and he wanted the spontaneity that we first had. I stopped partying and drinking as much while he would get drunk with his friends, go and flirt with a bunch of chicks that wanted him, and come home to me. That wouldn't have been such a big problem for me if I trusted him, which I didn't.
Now Kakarot and I happened after Clark and I broke up and Clark knew about Kakarot and actually almost fought him, when Clark threatened to slap the shit out of me in public and Kakarot defended me. There were nights when Kakarot and I would be in bed and Clark would call me over to his place to "help him study". The entire time I was messing around with Kakarot, Clark was in the picture and not because I put him there. I was happy I had Kakarot to witness what Clark was putting me through.
He witnessed how one night at 2 am Clark started texting me pages upon pages saying I was a slut who he would never have children with. He told me his mother would never accept me because I was a whore and said I was never there for him. Kakarot witnessed how the day after sending me those text Clark was at my place saying he cared for me and was sorry and didn't mean it. And Yes Clark and I was still having sex.
Looking back I was to giving to Kakarot and expected nothing in return, but I am happy that what happened between us did because he was needed. I have never felt so comfortable and happy with anyone else like I did with him. Seeing how he could have any girl he wanted who had better bodies and were prettier, I still felt comfortable in my own skin. Kakarot and I truly were like best friends and I am thankful for him being there for me. I only wish I could have saved him from his situation. I will always remember the time of Kakarot and Buu...
OMG, I must say this is the best blog so far! In all the other blogs you mentioned how Clark was an asshole, but this time you really painted the picture. I can't believe he threatened to put his hands on you, I can't believe you were still having sex with him. He hit you with a bunch of low blows and from the sounds of it you openly accepted every single one of them. A person bad or good is only going to do to you what you except, althought he all know the saying is "do to others what you would want done to you."
ReplyDeleteYou are smart, beautiful, and educated the man you deserve , want, and need will appear when the time is right... keep your head up!
Thank you for your comment. you are absolutely right, I accepted everything he did and said, which will get worse in future blogs. The biggest lesson I learned from Clark is to love myself and respect myself because if I don't no one else will.
DeleteYou're absolutely right about that, at least there was a lesson learned.
Delete